BaKaOh!
by Yami-Tenma
Summary: Bakura finally gets fed up enough with Tea's friendship speeches and decides to start his own show, starring him... but there are alot of mishaps along the way...
1. How it began

Author's Note:

Tenma: Okay, my Yami and I decided that stories with plots weren't working out for us, so we came up with this.

Yasha: So in other words, this one is plotless as well as pointless.

Tenma: Is plotless even a word?

Yasha: Less of plot? Hehe

Tenma: whatever, anyways, the whole point of this Note is to let anyone who reads my pathetic stories know what's going on. I am going to leave the other stories up for now, but with all the changes this site has gone through, they probably look pretty messed up. I'm too scared to check on them right now. So if you decide to read them, you've been warned.

Yasha: She might fix Yu-gi-oh characters vs. Coffee, but that's a maybe.

Tenma: Umm.. Yeah, that's about it…

Yasha: pokes readers You can wake up now.

Tenma: Be nice to the readers and they just might review!

Yasha: That'd be a first.

Tenma: I own nothing

………………………………...

The whole Yu-gi-oh gang (Including Marik, Malik, Kaiba and Mokuba) were hanging out in the Game Shop, doing nothing. It was a sunny, yet cloudy summer day and there was nothing to do.

"Big brother, what are we even doing here?"

"That's a good question" glares at Authoress.

"Hey! Don't blame me!"

Joey got up yelling, "Kaiba! I challenge you to a duel!"

"Wheeler, we've been through this five minutes ago, and I beat you."

"But…"

"And the forty-eight times before that!"

"Wanna make it fifty?"

"NO!"

Bakura yawned and got up. "Ryou, we're leaving."

Tea bounds in with a tray of cookies "Look everyone! I made FRIENDSHIP COOKIES!"

The room grew quiet as everyone shuffled to the door.

"I've had it up to here" Bakura raised his hand above head. "with your friendship crap! I'm leaving this series!"

(GASP:o)

"Y..you can't do that!" Tea cried out.

"Watch me!" He walked over to the TV set and disappeared.

"You know what, I think he has the right idea, I'm leaving to." Yami walked into the TV as well followed by Yugi.

"I'm with the Pharaoh on this one." Marik left with Malik in tow.

Kaiba blinked in surprise. It was only him, Mokuba, Joey and Tea left. He shrugged, "It beats having to listen to you all the time." Joey followed after him and then Mokuba ran afterwards.

Tea blinked. She blinked again. An evil smirk spread across her face. "Let the best show win." She set to work dialing phone numbers.

………………………………...

Bakura looked around the white empty space, no walls, no floors, nothing, except them and a TV. "Umm… is it suppose to be like this?"

"Hey guys, I'm STUCK!" Joey was on the ceiling watching TV.

Marik looked up, "Oh shit." THEY were on the ceiling. Everyone fell down into a pile on top of Joey.

"Oof."

"Well Bakura," Yugi said, "What's your TV series going to be called?"

"Bakura the Ancient Evil Tomb Robber Thief King..." People glared. "…and minions?"

"Uh-uh, no WAY are you getting all the fame!" Marik said. "I DISAGREE!"

"Well, let's at least agree to disagree."

"I will never agree to disagree agreeably!"

"I disagree to agree to disagree agreeably too!"

"Well I…"

"Baku…oh…" Ryou tried to change the subject, but seeing Joey swimming through thin air caught his attention. It was like there was no gravity in the room.

"THAT'S IT!" Bakura said, flinging his arms wide and making himself do back flips.

Marik had opened his mouth to ask 'What' but Bakura's foot flew in his mouth. The gravity turned back on.

Yet again everyone was kissing the floor.

"I AM A GENIUS!" Bakura jumped up and down, unfortunately he kept landing on Marik's arm.

"Is that why you failed your finals?" Kaiba sneered.

Bakura decide to ignore that comment and continued, "The name of the show will be.." A dramatic pause for effect and drum roll "…Ba-Ku-Oh!"

Kaiba at first thought Bakura was joking, but when he realized that he wasn't he had issues keeping a straight face, "How original."

"Now we need a magical paintbrush and neon lights!"

"And just where in the world will you get a magical paintbrush?" Kaiba asked.

Bakura looked at Marik and Marik shook his head. Bakura sighed, "Greenland."

"Greenland? Why Greenland?"

"IT JUST IS! Mokuba and Yugi can go get that."

Yami and Kaiba sputtered as Mokuba and Yugi disappeared through the TV.

Joey muttered, "Next he'll be saying that fairies are real."

Bakura decided to explain his choice for Greenland. "The paintbrush has to come from the fairies that live in the greenest part of the world., In other words… GREEN-LAND. Land of Green."

"Dude, even _I_ know that Greenland is the icy one."

"Oopsie."

O.O;;; Kaiba to Yami, "Did he just say Oopsie?" Yami to Kaiba, "I think he did."

"Hmph, then why call it Greenland? Oh well."

Ryou spoke up, "They probably won't freeze to death, if that's what you two are worried about, Mokuba probably has lots of money to keep them well supplied…"

Bakura decide that since he DID make a mistake, he should add some words of comfort as well. "Yeah, if the ice doesn't get them, the ice pigmies will."

………………………………...

"Yes, that'll be all, Thank-you." Tea spun the big chair back to the desk and picked the teddy grams up again. The one she held had tri-colored spiky frosting hair. "Now where was I… oh yes!" In a different voice, "Oh Tea, don't hurt me, I promise to be you're humble slave forever!" She moved the gram so it was face-side down on the desk, bowing. In normal voice, "Aww…" She broke off one of it's arms and ate it. "Yami, you're too sweet!" other voice, "Thank-you oh kind one, eat my leg next!"

She switched voices again, "don't mind if I do…" She raised the cookie to her mouth, but ate the whole thing.. "So..good…" Lunging for the box she shoved fistfuls of the grams into her mouth at a time.

A sound came from behind her.

Slowly she turned the chair around towards the door.

A person was there.

Tea glared. "What do you want?" she asked, bits of cookies flying from her mouth.

"Umm… the new sign for Kaiba… I mean cookie corp. has arrived."

"Good, replace the old sign with it." Silence. "NOW!" The girl scurried away. "AND BRING ME MORE TEDDY GRAHMS!"

………………………………...

Joey was whining, "I want to help!"

Bakura looked at Joey. "Would you like to go get the neon sign?"

"Oh boy, oh boy!" Joey jumped through the TV.

Marik and Bakura had a staring contest, neither blinked. Bakura passed an envelope to Marik and Marik left via the Television.

"Umm.. 'Kura, what did you do?"

"Business my dear Ryou."

0.0 0.0 0.0

"Umm…I didn't say that."

Kaiba snorted, "whatever."

…… some time later

Bakura was looking in the bag Marik handed him. "what is this."

Joey smiled proudly "A make-it-yourself neon sign."

Bakura eyed it dubiously and then positioned the letters. "Why is there no 'u'?"

Marik answered this time, "Because they were all sold out and 'a' was the next closest letter."

Bakura glared at the pair. Kaiba saw the letters and raised an eyebrow.

"Ba-Ka-Oh?" He started to laugh.

"SHUT-UP! Hmm…maybe if we cut the top of the 'a'…"

"Umm.. Bakura… that wouldn't be such a good idea…" Yami held up a Yellow and black book.

Bakura put the scissors on the letter and…

**ZAP! **

Bakura's hair was sticking straight up. He looked at Yami who was holding up the book, 'neon signs for dummies.' "They have a book about neon signs?"

"Yes, and Rule number two is don't try to cut the sign."

"What's rule number one?"

Marik plugged the sign in.

**ZAP! **

"Don't plug the sign in while touching metal to it."

"Now you tell me." Bakura fell down onto the ground twitching, right under the sign.

**Ba-Ka-Oh!**

………………………………...

Tenma: Thus, the creation of Ba-ka-Oh. Lame and boring, I know, but it should get better. If you have any helpful suggestions, then review plz.

Yasha: We are random people, so don't complain about things not making sense.


	2. The plot thickens

Tenma: O.O wow, six reviews…

Yasha: That's a whole lot more than I expected.

Tenma: Me too… and thanks to our wonderful reviewers:

**yugirules**: I'm glad you thought it was.

**K Moon**: I'll try harder to describe their surroundings more… but I can't promise about the humor thing…

**Thief-Joelle**: I'll see what I can do.

**Xionsuntamedwold**: Here's the next chappie!

**Ryou VeRua**: As log as ppl like it, I'll continue!

**LoveLifePain**: I'm not sure about this being a fantastic story with a plot, but as long as Bakura is in it, what can go wrong… 0.0 scratch that last comment.

**Dark Magician Girl Hikaru**: "since Yu-gi-oh king of games, then Ba-ka-oh king of idiots" You got it! ;)

Tenma: I own nothing. 

………………………………...

Mokuba stopped running in front of Kaiba Corp. to catch his breath with Yugi right behind him. Yugi looked at Mokuba and asked, "Just why are we going to Greenland again?"

"Bakura told us to… Yeah, why are we going?" Mokuba frowned, looking extremely puzzled. Instead of going up to the building's front door he turned around and pulled out his cell phone. "I'm gonna call that white-haired psycho and tell him that he can't boss us around anymore!"

"Umm… you do that Mokuba, but maybe you should call on an actual phone…"

"Huh?" Mokuba looked down at his hand and saw a candy bar. "Hehe…" They walked down the busy Domino street, trying to get good reception.

………………………………...

Tea lowered the turkey-baster full of cotton candy smelling knock-out gas and grunted in disappointment. Mokuba and Yugi hadn't come in the front doors, or otherwise they would have seen Tea in full camo, pink camo, with a turkey-baster in one hand and a spatula in the other. She had dubbed the hat ugly, so instead she wore a pink chef hat with camouflage stripes on it. The gas mask was the same as the hat.

**Ding**!

"Yea! My cookies are finished!" She walked through the foyer and past the receptionist's desk, who was tied up in pink ribbon at the moment, and to the kitchen. "It was so nice of Kaiba to donated his building for my cause." She proceeded through the swinging doors and walked over to the apron hooks on the far left wall. The whole kitchen was blue, so she stuck out like a sore thumb.

She set the spatula and turkey baster down and pulled off a pink apron which said 'Queen of Cookies' on it from the hook. She slipped it on and walked over to the stove where rancid black smoke poured from any and all openings. She grabbed a pot holder and opened it up.

Smoke billowed out even more as Tea plunged her arm inside and grabbed the tray. Putting the tray on the oven top, she slammed the door shut and turned the oven off. The only reason the smoke alarms didn't go off was she had already taken care of those…

Scraping some of the blackened crumbly abominations, or 'cookies' as they were suppose to be, Tea shove what she could into a zip-lock baggie and headed off toward the pantry. Putting the gas-mask on a counter she gripped the 'cookies' in one hand and used the other to swing open the door.

There, tied up in some hot pink ribbon and a similar colored gag in her mouth was a young assistant to the cook. Surrounding the poor girl was what appeared to be charcoal cookie crumbs. Tea cleared her throat and the girl looked up, terror in her eyes.

"Okay, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. I can either force-feed you these tester cookies I have made, or you can swear your alliance to me and the Cookie Conquering Campaign, or CCC for short." She smiled at her cleverness.

The girl was making some strangled noise, so Tea pulled off the gag. "I'll do anything! JUST KEEP THOSE CHARCOAL CHIP COOKIES AWAY FROM ME!"

Tea smiled a half-crazed smile and said, "I'm glad you see it my way." Clapping a shock collar around the girl's throat, she untied her. "For your first job, you will go online and order pink paint from okay?"

"Fine."

"I can't hear you!"

"Yes, oh mighty cookie queen."

"Much better, NOW GO! FLEE FROM MY BREAKFASTY SELF!

The girl race off and Tea went back to the cookies that were left on the tray.

"Hmm… maybe if I frost them…" She reached to her left and grabbed a turkey-baster full of pink frosting and gave it a squeeze.

Thick pink gas started to drift out from it.

"Oops… I forgot about that… at least I have my…"

Her hand drifted to her face to feel the mask.

"Shit."

Tea dropped the turkey-baster and made a dash to the counter where her mask lay, but before she could reach it she started to twitch.

A giggled formed in her throat and she let out a high-pitched peal of laughter. Doubling over on the ground she was immobilized by the laughing gas.

"Shit…hahahah…I-can't believe…hahahahahahahah…I'll-get-you…hahahahaha…. E-BAY..hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha……."

………………………………...

Yugi and Mokuba had finally gotten good reception, and by that time they were only a block away from the Game shop.

"Yugi, what phone number should I call?"

"Umm… does Bakura even have a phone?"

"Good question…" Mokuba sighed and pondered their predicament. "I know! I'll call Seto!"

"Great idea Mokuba!"

………………………………...

Bakura had recovered from his shocking experience and was pacing around the totally white space. The only difference from when they started was the bright neon sign. Not only did Marik and Joey not get a 'u', but they also got different colors. 'Ba-ka' was red and the 'Oh!' part was neon green.

Bakura paced further and suddenly hit something. He started to feel around the area, wondering what in Ra's name was going on.

Joey saw Bakura and exclaimed, "I want to be a mime too!"

"I am not a mime!" Bakura straightened up and turned around to glare at Joey.

"Well then what's that white stuff all over your face?"

"Huh?"

Ryou looked at Bakura and blinked. " 'Kura! Your face _is_ white!"

Bakura ignored Kaiba's annoying laughter in the background and wiped his face off with his hand. "This is flour!"

"Honestly?"

"No, I'm just saying that because I thought it was funny."

"Really?" Joey started to laugh.

"NO YOU RETARD!" Bakura held up a bag of flour. "I found a wall!"

"Where?" Marik ran over to Bakura and hit the wall. "Oof"

Malik came over shaking his head, "I'm embarrassed to be your Hikari."

"Then that means I'm doing my job!"

Bakura looked at Marik and said, "Since we have a wall, we should paint it red! Go steal rich boy's laptop over there, I'm sure he's keeping it in that coat of his!"

Marik sprung up, saluted Bakura and waltzed over to Kaiba, trying to be inconspicuous, but doing a poor job of it.

Before Kaiba could become suspicious of Marik's actions, his cell-phone rang. He reached into his coat and answered it. Then he grunted it and handed it to the nearest person without thinking, which just happened to be Marik.

Marik tossed the phone over his shoulder uninterested. Kaiba's eyes grew wide as his cell-phone sailed through the air, but luckily Ryou caught it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ryou, it's Mokuba."

"Oh, hi Mokuba, what's up?"

Kaiba looked up, "It's Mokuba? Is he okay? Where is he?" Marik made a reach for in an opening in Kaiba's coat while he was distracted. "I wanna talk to him! I…GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Marik tossed Kaiba's laptop to Bakura who immediately set to work ordering paint.

Kaiba made a snatch for his phone, but Marik was to quick. Wrenching it out of Ryou's grasp he pulled out his millennium rod. "You are going to go to go to Greenland to hunt for the Magical paintbrush that is in the greenest place there. Talk to the fairies and threaten them with 3,000 year old socks if they don't cooperate. Once you've secured the paintbrush, return back to me."

"Yes Master Marik."

The phone went dead as Kaiba pulled it out of Marik's hands. Kaiba glared at Marik

"Hehe…"

"Why you… I'M GOING TO KILL YOU MARIK!" Kaiba grabbed a wooden spoon off the floor and started to chase Marik.

………………………………...

Tea had almost completely recovered from the kitchen incident and was now waiting for her order of pink paint to come. She had paid double the price for same day delivery, but it didn't matter because Kaiba had lots of money.

Lounging on one of the many blue couches in the foyer, Tea thought up many different ways to re-decorate the room.

"Hmm… maybe if I buy a big picture of one of Pegasus's adorable funny bunnies and put it over there." She mused, looking at the wall directly across from her at where Kaiba's picture was displayed.

"Umm… Miss Gardner…."

"It's COOKIE QUEEN!"

"My apologies cookie queen, but here are your teddy grahms and milk as you requested."

"Excellent, excellent."

Just then the mailman came.

"GIVEMME GIVEMME!" Tea lunged at the mailman and he ran away, throwing the mail up into the air. Tea raced over but was disappointed that it was just bills.

Then two girls came through the doors. Both were 14-ish in appearance and had nameplates on. The first one's name was Tamara. She had tan skin and shoulder length black, blonde, and brown hair and black eyes. The other one's nameplate read Joëlle and she looked pretty similar to the other one, except no black in the hair.

Tea eyed the pair dubiously and waited.

Tamara pulled out a package.

Tea forgot her suspicions. "MINE!" Reaching out she grabbed the box and tore it opened.

The two mysterious girls quickly left, Tamara laughing quite evilly as she walked outside.

Tea screamed.

Meanwhile….

Bakura had stopped Kaiba from killing Marik long enough to open the package that had arrived. Humming happily to himself, he used the chef's knife Kaiba had chased Marik with after breaking the spoon over his head to open the box.

He looked inside the box and stopped humming.

Marik's eyes bulged and a strangled sound escaped from his throat wich had nothing to do with Kaiba.

Kaiba stuttered, "Wha…what the Hell!"

………………………………...

Tenma: Ouchies, I went rafting yesterday and got a sunburn… I'm having issues sitting on my hard chair and typing.

Yasha: Hahahahahaha

Tenma: kiisama, it was YOU who said it was cloudy enough that I wouldn't need sunblock! I believed you!

Yasha: 'believed' does have 'lie' in it.

Tenma: Grr… we'll settle this later, for all of you who read this story, THANK-YOU SO MUCH! If you like this one, then you might like my other story _Yu-Gi-Oh characters vs. Coffee_. Then again, you might not….

Bakura: R&R!


End file.
